A lot of people have all sort of request for the President. Some people when they get the opportunity if ever, will ask for so much. Some will ask for scholarships for their children, jobs, power infrastructure, equal opportunity others will ask for resource control, Governor Amaechi’s immediate deportation and Obasanjo’s last wife in marriage, mine is simple.
P Square must not break up o. President Jonathan, I do not know how you will do it but that is my request. This is the only favour I am asking you after casting my vote for you that hot afternoon in Shomolu. I stood alone on the queue and genuinely cast my votes because I felt very strongly that in my time of need you will be there for me.
That time has come now. My favourite group is in crises. I do not know what the cause of the crises is, all I know is that they are on the verge of break up and if this happens, it will make our recent rebasing of the GDP meaningless. Not only will South Africa overtake us again and if care is not taken, republic of Benin will do the same, because they will ramp up the exportation of okrika into our borders.
This is a calamity of immense proportion and I think you should call an emergency meeting of the federal executive council to deliberate on this in order to bring about a concrete solution to this. Let me tell you Sir, that if you solve this problem all your other challenges will simply disappear. Boko haram will hang their Bombs, Amaechi will go on self exile to Fernando po, Tinubu and Buhari will retire and fade into oblivion and finally, I swear it to you, you will win the Nobel prize for reconciliation and the world will worship and celebrate you as the new Mandela.
In case you do not know who P square are, kindly ask that your social media expert to brief you. The one that has been sending us all sort of tweets and Facebook messages. The one that came up with that allegation against Sanusi Lamido, that irritant CBN Governor that thought he was bigger than his bow tie.
Sir, over the years, this group in their songs and dance have made us escape the misery of your reign, they have made us forget the fact that we have no schools to go to again in the north east, they have made us believe in ourselves again that as a people we can aspire from nothing to the very heights of our careers. They have shown how without any hope but raw talent and never say die spirit wine and dine with billionaires, even if we have to still get home and purge we still eat the food sha. This group has more than ever exemplified the Nigerian spirit, the spirit that never accepts poverty, exclusion and deprivation. The spirit that will conquer despite all adversaries. It is as a result of these and much more that I feel that this issue be addressed at the highest levels.
Let me give you some small hints. I hear that one of the wives is in the middle of this whole wahala. This is where my mummy comes in. Our dear First Lady should immediately send a peace mission headed by Stella oduah as a way of rehabilitating that one. The mission is to get the aforesaid wife to accept reconciliation otherwise she will be deported. While the First Lady’s mission is at it, the brothers and their long suffering elder brother Jude, be immediately moved to OBJ’s farm for some hard labour and elderly advice.
They should be shown the Diya’s video. The one that was showed at the Oputa panel where he was crying and begging Abacha for his life. That video will bring them back to reality and make them see that the hopes of over 100 million Nigerians depend on them. If they do not reconcile and settle their rift, the same fate awaits them.
We as a people will not sit down and watch our hopes dashed by some spoilt lady who happens to be extremely beautiful but has failed to respect the traditional Igbo ethos that comes to marrying into an Igbo family thereby causing tremors that is distracting the whole nation. When Dbanj and Don Jazzy did theirs, we ignored but this one we will not ignore.
Sir, let this be the one major achievement of your regime. This would lead to victory in 2015, I swear and finally shut those old fools in APC once and for all. Just look at the figures, the album sales are in the millions, stadia all over Africa filled to the brim just to watch these boys, millions of followers on twitter and Facebook, YouTube and hits on their blogs millions. These are voters, this is influence, this is power. With this kind of power behind you, you will not need to canvas for votes again. You will not need to go to Kano when your house in abuja has just been bombed. You will not need to answer that Lai something, the APC spokesman with his cheap bow ties, you will just throw Amaechi into the crowd and they will write failure on his bald head, your life will just be simple and you will not need to sweat like you did during your daughters last wedding. By the way why was I not invited, you are playing with my vote o.
Just see what Jay z and Beyoncé have done and will still do to Obama’s career and if you do not know who they are please ask OBJ I think they are related somehow.
Thank you so much sir.